Dear Diary

Welcome all to our first ever Dear Diary Wednesday!

Starting off, I would like to once again wish all of you a very happy new year, and of course, thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read this! 

So..., the moment the decision was made to do these types of posts, I made a promise to myself to be as open and honest as I possibly could. The goal is to get an inside view from my perspective during this process of trying to complete the third and last chapter of the series. Therefore, I will do my absolute very best to describe what's inside my head, even if it makes me uncomfortable. I mean, what's the point of a diary entry if all I'm going to do is just fluff up the whole experience? We all know that life is not always full of rainbows, unicorns and mermaids, so there's no need to give an unrealistic view just to make myself look better or happier than how I'm actually feeling that day. Right?

OK! With all that being said, it's time for my confession.  With the exception of last Friday, (January 6th.) I have not written even a single word since the middle of November. 

Why? Because I can't seem to find my creativity no matter how hard I've been trying.

In between being busy at my full time job, taking on other side projects to try and pay off some bills, and other personal issues pertaining to my relationship, I found myself in a rut. I was falling behind on my Instagram posts, majorly lacking in my blog writing and missing a whole lotta writing classes. So naturally, every time I would open the story, I'd re-read what I already had to get back in the "mood" - which, generally works for me! But, after taking in a deep breath full of optimism, I'd proceed to just look at the screen with my hands hovered over the keyboard. 

Complete blank. Not just one time, but every. Single. Time.

Frustrated with myself, I decided to start reading more to feed my creativity with the help of beautifully written words from new and known authors. Six books later, I still had nothing. Considering by that time it was near the holidays, I made the decision to check out. Take a break and hit it back hard come the new year.

Well, here we are and let me tell you, although we are currently only eleven days into 2017, it has thoroughly kicked my ass. The events that have transpired in my life have me starting out each day on auto-pilot. I find myself performing the motions that I know are expected of me in this dazed trance. Every day has been its own unpredictable, category 10 storm and all I can do is put my head down and try to hold on. It sucks..., Like bad!

HOWEVER..., If there's one thing I've learned in life it's that no matter how shitty your circumstances are, with each new day I make the choice to decide how I will approach it. I can choose to be miserable and get into this "victim" mentally, or I can choose to get my ass out of bed and try. If shit goes to hell that day, tomorrow is a new one. As long as I make the effort and TRY, I'll be ok. Which is exactly what I did last Friday. 

The result?

Two additional pages added to the story. Not much, but something, and something is most definitely better than nothing. This story needs my best, and so do all my readers. 

Apart from my writing slump, the story itself is everything I want it to be so far. Leading up to November, words were just organically flowing out of me and I am really proud of that. The original goal was to release it again in May. That is still my hope, but I'm not going to beat myself up if I can't meet it and have to release later in the summer.  In the meantime I'll be celebrating my little successes along the way.

So, there's my ugly truth. It's a whole lotta ugly with one hundred percent truth, and although I'm not where I currently want to be, I'm choosing to start each day with a "do-better-than-yesterday" mentality - and that at the end of the day, goes a long way.